kyssas och döda...

En natt hade jag en dröm som jag var ute med en grupp vänner, och förmodligen, min pojkvän. Att sitta på toppen av läktaren på någon plats i synnerhet, kysste jag honom. Och han kysste mig. Och då tror jag att jag började säga något och råkar spotta på honom eller något och han blev helt förbannad och började kalla mig om det inför alla. Jag fick verkligen upprörd och stormade ut. Tårar strömmade ner mitt ansikte och en gammal vis man gick fram till mig och sa det mest djupgående sak EVER. Jag minns att jag tänkte att jag inte kunde vänta med att använda sin fras när jag vaknade. Men, det är verkligen lämnar mig nu, något som ungefär som det här, dina ögon är en skrivmaskin och de skriver tårar, Lauren, det var vackert, jag visste att du skulle älska det. Sedan i går kväll, tror jag, jag hade denna fruktansvärda dröm där jag visste att en yngre person som jag hade begått mord. Jag hade tillbringat hela mitt liv gömmer sig från det. Och jag tror att jag hade nyligen varit inblandad i ett mord igen, kanske, och vi försökte täcka upp det och bli av med döda kroppar vid sjön Sam Rayburn, tror jag. Vi var på Julies bröllop. Och deras smekmånad var på sjön. Vi spårade dem ner, antar jag, och hängde på en motorbåt ... sjön var riktigt lågt, och kanske som en utmaning i att bli av kropparna ... ganska morbid, va? Det var så verkligt att när jag vaknade jag var fruktansvärt lättad över att inse att jag aldrig hade faktiskt mördat någon. Fruktansvärt lättad. Höger, och även Jennifer gjorde några riktigt bra kyckling fingrar att hon inte var nöjd med. Hej, Lauren, kan du bo hos mig i Wilmington. Snälla?

A sad tale.

الليلة الماضية حلمت أن بيت عنيا كانت حاملا بتوأم، لكنه كان مثل كنت أعرف أنها لم تكن أطفالها البيولوجية .... غريبة. على أي حال، توفي على ما يبدو واحدة في بطنها وبعد ذلك الآخر قتلوا أنفسهم لأنهم كانوا حزين جدا أن الطرف الآخر قد مات. انتحار طفل الملتزم في الرحم. الذي يحلم بذلك؟!؟ غريب حقا كان وكان مستاء جدا الجميع. حدث بعض الأشياء الأخرى ولكن غريب لا أتذكر حقا.

Los edificios que caen en la capital

I was sleeping in a room full of bunk beds when a guy I talk trash about from time to time peeked through the white sheet that separated my lower bunk from the other bunkers.  He had glasses on, and his face was thinner than I remembered.  

"I heard you're leaving tomorrow," he said. "You know I love you, right?"

I hadn't known that.  

I was in the back of a kitchen trying to convince Kristin to come with me.  But she couldn't.  Something was going on with my plane ticket.  I couldn't figure out what time my plane left.  But I walked into the city alone.  There were people on the streets, a vibe of unease.

People were turned in my direction; they were looking behind me with a look of dismay and sadness.

I turned as well and was astonished to see one of the twin towers, falling, crumbling.

"Not again," I thought.  I knew it was terrorists.  They were angry because of an embargo.  I was crushed.  Deeply saddened at all those lives that had just been folded into the earth right in front of me.  And I was then concerned for my own safety.  Looking at downtown Little Rock before me, the sky was a dark gray.  And then our buildings began to crumble.  Those in front of me.  Would the capital fall too?  I was standing right in front of it.  I was in panic mode.  Survival panic.  The columns began to crumble.  There was so much noise I could hear nothing.  Everything was happening in slow motion.  I saw what a girl I knew from high school was doing and I imitated her, running from underneath the capital towards the street.  I ran and it felt like I was running in the ocean or on the moon.  Through gravity.

I kicked off of one of the columns to gain momentum.

Things were collapsing, the closing of a pop up book, our world.

Parece que un animal de peluche desempeñado un papel

A quiz contest my brother and I were trying to enter.  By the time we got to the venue the answer had already been given and I was surprised to see it was being held at a bar.

"Looks like a trivia night," I said.

Brent didn't want to go in there, so we didn't.  I saw some couple I recognized and hoped they didn't recognize me.

We went to a grocery store.  And a huge dark building.  

Yo estaba detrás de algo por una cadena. Fue mi micrófono bebé.

I was trying to see my buddy's show in this basement space.  We were lounging around against a brick wall and talking about what we write about.  "I write about music and I write to you," he said.  I wanted to ask him about it but I didn't.  "I write all the time," I said.

I left and went to a toy store where people were pointing toy guns at each other and looking cool.  When I went back to the venue there were three huge dudes with long stringy hair in ponytails and wearing black taking the cover charge.  A chalkboard sign said entry was 35 dollars.  I didn't recognize any of the band names.  One of the names had far too many "l'"s and one might have included "chicken."

Geez louise.  35 dollars.  A lot of the kids from the toy store were going in.  But I didn't even see the name of my friend's band on the board.  All of a sudden a blonde guy came up and said he had to show me something in the lobby.  I figured he was with one of the other bands and was going to take me down the back staircase to the basement thus evading the fee.  But I guess there was no back stairway.

Instead we stood on the corner in the nighttime air, next to a stop sign and two cute girls who put their arms around him.

"Thirty-five dollars is simply unheard of," I sighed.  "Unless it's like Weezer or somebody."

"Weezer," they all laughed.

I didn't know what to do so I went down a dark staircase.  I was trailing something, like a tail, but heavier.  It was the microphone I'd been given, the little one that travels well.

Earlier I'd been in a smoking lounge working when boys in matching company sweatshirts came in.  The sweatshirts were blue with white letters.  Maybe there was a polar bear.

"He'd like to speak with you," said Sweatshirt 1.

"I'd rather not.  Please leave," said I.

"Lauren.  What's that guys name again?  Your ex?  Anyway, he needs to chill out so we can just talk," said Sweatshirt 2, a much-loathed acquaintance.

"Actually, it's not his fault.  I just don't want to talk to you.  I have nothing to say to you.  I don't like you."

I think he whined a little more and I left.  Wandering around trying to go to movie theaters with my travelling bag.  People in cool bands tried to help me out.

A girl with short cute black hair with a paper crown on her head said we could go out for Valentine's Day.  I took her arm, delighted.

No sé Wendy. ¿Y usted?

I was in a weird world

  We were all held captive but tried to pretend we weren't

  That's how we stayed alive

11:08 AM roaming cobblestone streets

  Visiting old soldiers

  Everyone was complimenting you on your essay but you stopped them

11:09 AM You weren't proud of it

  It contained a sentence about falling, farting down a hill

11:10 AM I was plotting my escape.

  so I told the girl I loved

  "I don't know Wendy, do you? "

11:11 AM "I don't Know Wendy either," she said.

  This was how I communicated I was leaving without being intercepted.

11:12 AM The woman mastermind or second in command, took me to the pond area and told me where we would all be moving.

11:13 AM 

I figured I could catch the bus to Mississippi and be halfway to New York before anyone noticed

Se miró en el espejo y nos dijo que era gay

In the past few days, I've sorted the blue jelly beans for Obama, hung out on a beach, and been declared gay by a center designated to help people determine if they are or aren't.  They just took me in a corner, and held up a mirror, the kind with a handle, and told me the news.  I thought the whole thing was kind of hokey and told Kristin she didn't have to try it, I didn't really buy into it.  Given my philosophies on gender and life, I'd already basically determined I was basically "gay" or psuedo gay, or potentially gay, or whatever, but had no idea how their plastic mirror had given them their own insight into my personal orientational history.   The whole set-up was in kind of a tree house.  And it was very important that I find a certain book afterwards.  But I kept finding the wrong one with a similar title.